“All is quiet throughout the house. Suddenly, restless movement can be heard in one of the bedrooms. Among the Five Funky N-Sync Guyz ‘N’ Galz and Bulma posters, a lone occupant abruptly wakes up in a cold sweat and realises:

“Fuck! I haven’t gotten Javi a Christmas present.“”

Unfortunately, this scene is being played in households right across America. We here at HigherVoltage are attune to the needs of undersexed, overstimulated 15 year olds and have compiled this list of last minute gifts you can buy for your favourite Shoryuken.com forum member. Now with FREE Shipping!

Patented 5-Speed Ego Stroker

$34.95

With variable settings ranging from, “My Brother works for Arc Systems” to “I am Seth Killian”, this gift is perfect for the forumgoer wishing to become a prominent Forum Member - without having to contribute insightful content.

Official vBulletin Flame Thrower!

$75.95

Tired of being repeatedly “slapped down” with “facts” and “reasoning”? With this handy device, rational thinking will just be something you put cream on. It’s that easy!

The Automatic Derision Keyring

$12.95

Perfect for high-level-players. Hours of fun for the whole family, repeats three hilarious phrases, ideal for any debate, anywhere.

Special Edition Inter-dimensionally published Strategy Guides

$19.95

Designed to be the perfect accompaniment to the Ego Stroker, Flame Thrower or Keyring. Make your arguments valid at the Dinner table this Festive Season!

100% Cotton Alex Valle Boxer Shorts

$150.95

Keep the spirit of Streetfighter close to that special place at all times. Stain-resistant.

MvC3 Magic 8-Ball

$1337

All your character suggestions answered with a variety of exciting replies, including “they’re working on the sprites right now!”, “maybe in the sequel” and “Penelope Pitstop is not a Marvel character”.

The Game Breaker

$15.95

Think your 3rd Strike game is “broken”? With this handy device you won’t ever need to worry about red parries, kara throws or Akuma :-*

3-Piece “Self-Improvement” Kit

$46.95

Featuring a dictionary, thesaurus and atlas. Expand your knowledge, vocabulary and learn about places further away than Chinatown Fair and SHGL.

Guilty Gear X

$4.95

Self-explanatory, really.

Seen something you like? Simply fill out the order form and we will despatch your order through “Yellow Cape Couriers” immediately.