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Review special: “Dead or Alive Xtreme Beach Volleyball” |
However there’s no way we’re going to get through this without discussing the less classy, emotive aspects of the game. Because, and you may not have noticed this yourself - there’s, you know, a distinctly sexual undercurrent running almost undetected throughout the game; a deeply twisted, almost invisible nightmare of twisted Freudian sensibilities and -
Well, no.
But it must be discussed, and I must say that it’s nothing to be ashamed about - we’re all grown-ups here, mature men and women who’ve been around and seen the world and play PUZZLE FIGHTER with one hand down our pants. There’s no shame, or secrecy in stating the fact that one of the core pillars of the DOAX experience is appreciating the polygonal female form. Hell, if you don’t do it, you’re missing out on a large, if not vital part of the game. The content is pitched exactly right, too - teasing, and at times almost giving, but never being crass or blatant. And it works, perfectly.
So what delights does the game have to offer in the field of digital lechery? Well obviously the girls of Dead or Alive doing stuff, in swimwear. They play volleyball, they dance on the beach, they swim in the sea, the roll around on the sand and do push ups and aerobics and kung fu and swing on the swing and … shit. And the posing … god! - the thrusting of breasts, folding of legs, arching of backs and constant, vigorous bending over… it’s all extremely wonderful. There’s plenty of playing up to the ‘camera’, too - looking at it, winking at it, shying aways from it. It’s a sight to behold, make no mistake about it.
As far as I’m concerned, Oedipus is an eight-legged sea creature
Some of the swimsuits you can obtain are just delicious, and not just because of their revealing natures. Oh no, you’ve got cheerleader outfits, Playboy bunny costumes, you’ve got tube tops, cut-off shorts, string bikinis, thongs, high heels, cutesy stuff, sexy stuff, suits with holes cut out of them, suits with transparent areas, suits with laces and chains and all sorts of other goodies. Although there are a lot more ‘ordinary’ suits than there are sexy ones, there are still enough to keep you playing and gift-giving well into the night.Does it work, this strange mix of creator-professed platonic “beauty” and blatant, shameless pumping sexuality? Well … yes. I don’t know about anyone else, but I can easily appreciate the setting sun of the last day of the holiday, glowing gold through Kasumi’s hair whilst simultaneously wishing I were Hitomi’s bicycle seat. One doesn’t cancel the other out, the two aspects don’t really interfere, or jar - they’re just both there, ripe for the reading should the individual so chose (or not chose) to do so.
Of course, it’s not all so ambiguous. Take the game intro sequence for example. You know how all CGI fighting game intros have a bit where, after about a minute of muscular guys hitting things with swords, the music goes all soft and jazzy and the female characters do their bouncing/coy blinking act, before the action and explosions resume? Now imagine an intro comprised solely of a compilation of ‘jazzy’ bits and that’s what the DOAXBV intro is like. It’s a magical, marvellous piece of work, and Meja’s “How Crazy Are You” track, that accompanies said intro, has taken on an almost religious significance in my life.
Present in almost as plentiful an amount as the rampant hotness is an utterly delightful sense of cutesiness. Sadly my resistance to such things hovers dangerously close to zero, and so I feel it is my duty to report that some of the quotes, poses, squeals and giggles are just absolutely adorable.
Although everyone has it to some degree or other (I never thought I’d say Christie was cute, until I saw her say “hee hee” upon getting a gift) - there are definitely experts here, pioneers in the field of almost shameful loveability. My personal top tips for the greatest “awww!” moments are Hitomi’s wink at the camera, Hitomi’s little squeal when she retires to her room for the night, and pretty much all of the things Kasumi says and does. Sometimes, when she loses, she actually starts crying. I tell you, that BROKE MY HEART. ;_;
The game is absolutely full of speech and squeaking - all the gift-giving exchanges and general “it’s a nice day” banter is acted out, in Japanese with subtitles - with all the proper voice actresses of course. Even better, the actual volleyball matches are constantly accompanied by speech, as the competitors speak to one another, announce shots, congratulate, comiserate (and even threaten) each other as well as making all sorts of other encouraging phrases and yells to go with the onscreen action. You get an inkling of some of the personalities from this - the way the polite characters call their partners “___-san”, and the ruder ones … don’t. There’s all the familiar accents, from Tina’s brash overconfidence to Hitomi’s cautious bonhomie… and Christie just has this totally flat, menacing tone to everything she says, which is just so superbly incongruous with the events and surroundings.
There is of course, one vocal artisté whose role eclipses all the cute witterings of the DOAX girls put together - the role of Zack. The language options in the game allow you to switch between the original Japanese DOA Zack voice or the voice of that all-star celebrity sportsman, crossdresser and Mr. Carmen Electra himself - Dennis Rodman. And my god Rodman is just gold in this role! It made me realise that Zack’s normal VA has been nothing more than a placeholder this past seven years, and it’s only now that the true king has returned to his throne. His mumbling, slurring voice - you can’t even understand what the man is saying half the time! - is nothing short of incredible. Some people may prefer the Japanese voiceover, but really, Rodman IS Zack, always has been, always will be and using this option is little more than treachery against the human race.
This really is very nice indeed.
The sound is great and everything, but it has to be said - the graphics are absolutely spectacular. The backgrounds have amazing depth, distance and solidity to them and are absolutely stacked with detailed constructions - buildings, rock formations, plant life, furniture - even a volcano and waterfall in one area! What’s more, there are almost no cases of “flat” 2D objects put in as lazy substitutes for 3D ones. Some of the details by the pool, or on ‘Niki Beach’ are just shocking to see. There are also plenty of exciting graphical effects to wallow in - good ol’ lens flare, reflections, lighting, motion blurs, real-time permanent foot/body prints in the sand and a truly awesome water effect.
Of course it’s in the girls themselves that the real interest lies - and DOAX does not disappoint. Each one is lovingly rendered in stunning detail. Although they’re still some way from being perfect - they’re still easily the most realistic ‘people’ ever featured in a videogame. The almost total lack of ‘tearing’ (where one polygon overlaps another) on the limbs and joints helps the illusion, and the details, particularly those on the faces are I think the best I’ve ever seen outside of CG. Realistically-modelled mouths (oh my) - noses (complete with nostrils,) ears, eyes that blink and wink and pupils that actually move to look at things, eyelashes … it’s really something. Hands posture, individual fingers can fold and point - and the overall effect is very convincing (for some reason the characters look even more realistic in the orangey light of the ‘evening’ sections).
The game eschews the ‘water balloon’ breast bounce of the early DOA games for the more realistic (ha!) boob motion of the later DOA games, although it’s still extremely noticable in certain poses and certain outfits.
Even the less noticable body parts have had attention lavished on them - the feet for example, arch and stretch when the legs do. God this sort of wanton, laviscious detail just brings a tear to my eye. It’s all so wonderful.
